I have a love/hate relationship. It is with the weekends. I begin to feel tired and emotionally drained on Friday afternoon. The long week at work as a legal secretary, specializing in wills and estates, a/k/a probate law, is sometimes more than I can handle emotionally. I’m trying to deal with Mike’s death and then I have to open an estate for someone who has recently passed away and discuss “business” with their grieving family. It is often just too much for me and I take a break to go outside and have a good cry…and a few puffs off a cigarette. A habit that I quit over 4 years ago and picked back up a few weeks after Mike died. An old comfort from the past. I don’t like it, but it does help me to get over the rough spots and calms the raw edges of my nerves.
Back in the day Friday nights were the beginning of the weekend. Now it seems like the beginning of the two longest days of the week. When Mike was able, we used to go out to dinner on Friday night, with his sisters or with each other. Now I just come home. I don’t want to go out to eat by myself. Abby and I sit together and cuddle and maybe I fix supper for myself, and maybe I don’t. Depends on whether I’m hungry or not, usually not.
Saturday and Sunday alternate themselves. One spent working myself to exhaustion and one spent staring into space, sometimes thinking, but most of the time just staring. No ambition. No desire to do anything.
That’s the hate part…now for the love.
I love not having to go to the office for two days. I love being able to spend the days with Abby and baby her. I love being able to take little naps during the day if I need to. I love the feeling of accomplishment when I have finally dragged my ass out of the recliner or off the couch and actually get something accomplished! Something I’m proud of getting done all by myself, although that does come with some pain frequently and perhaps an injury or two. Guaranteed sore muscles on Monday too!
This past weekend, I was lethargic all day Saturday. I didn’t feel very well and had to stay close to the bathroom in case of a sudden urge to get there quickly, if you catch my drift. So, Abby and I just laid around all day. My “running” to the bathroom turned into a race with Abby to get there. A game for her. Serious business for me!
Sunday morning I felt better and thought I would go to church, but the mere thought of being in a group of people terrified me and I opted to stay home. I have a very large, very heavy picnic table, octagon shaped, that Mike made several years ago for his parents. When his father died, Mike got the picnic table back. That sucker is heavy! I’m talking three to four men to move it. Well, I used a little logic and a little physics and a LOT of determination and muscle to turn it upside down and scrubbed the underside of it. After it dried, I gave it a coat of polyurethane. Once that dried, I hoisted it up and turned it back over so I can scrub the top and seats one evening this week and poly it. As I was lifting it, I had the feeling that I was getting help with it. It didn’t seem quite as heavy. I stood it upright and sat it down with ease. I think I had help from an angel. Maybe that meant that he was finally proud of something I was doing to take care of things.
Next, I decided to take a look at the new chain saw I bought for the purpose of cutting down tree limbs that had been broken during the last storm that came through the area–back in JUNE!! When I took the saw out of the box, it somehow looked a lot more intimidating than it did in the store. I was afraid to use it. I have only read the manual about sixty times. I was ready. I ran the extension cord out a window to have enough cord to get the electricity to it, went to the storage shed and got the wagon out and hooked it up to the mower and pulled the wagon around to the spot where the branches were about to come down. Plugged in the saw, safety glasses on. Gloves on. Power buttons depressed and I was shocked at how smoothly it ran. I could do this!
Saw was positioned over the branch that had broken and, as directed by the instruction manual, I stood back and let the saw and the extension pole do the work. In no time at all the branch came down. Wow! What a high! That was fun! I cut the big branch up into manageable pieces and loaded them into the wagon. Hmm… there seemed to be a few more branched that needed taken down as they were rubbing the roof and hanging down pretty low. Down they came! Easy!!
Then..it happened. The next branch that came down flipped. Even though I was standing back at the appropriate angle according to the directions, The limb hit me in the face. Actually, it is a miracle that I did not lose my eye! Again, I feel like an angel guided the branch so that didn’t happen. This is a picture of my shiner:
My glasses and safety glasses did not fall off, or even get a scratch. If they had, I most definitely may have been in serious trouble. (Please don’t look at the fact that my brows have grown unruly from lack of waxing and tweezing–not my favorite thing to do and not high on my priority list any more!)
My eye hurts..my head hurts and my eye is watery most of the time. But, it is all good. I was protected and I was very lucky. Very blessed.
I will probably always have a love/hate relationship with weekends, but maybe that is normal?
—-A quickie side-note—–
As usually happens when the laptop comes out, Abby decided she had to go outside. I was walking around the drive way with her waiting for her to find her perfect spot. I noticed something growing in the middle of the drive way. Where I had been working on Sunday morning with the picnic table. I had been all over this particular part of the drive way. This evening, I found these two flowers growing in the midst of the stone:
I don’t have any petunias. Do you think it is possible that I just received flowers from heaven? Even if it is not..I’m claiming them as a heavenly gift. He is still giving me flowers. And I feel at peace tonight for a change.