Just a Quick Note

Below is a picture of why I haven’t been writing much lately.  I have no room to move, let alone try to type, and moving my position at the computer is next to impossible.  But…they are my fur-babies and my company now.  Abby was pouting when this picture was taken, she was upset with the cats taking her place.

Orville and Phoebe

Back to writing real soon!

Michelle's Pet Challenge

If We Were Having Coffee – 10/4/14

coffee

Well, GOOD MORNING!!  I’m so glad you could stop by for a cup of coffee, or whatever your beverage of choice may be.  I must admit I am probably a little ahead of you on the amount of coffee I have had this morning as my furry family woke me at 6 a.m, just as if the alarm had gone off on a weekday, and they weren’t going to allow me to snuggle back under the covers.  Even pulling them over my head didn’t help!  So, as it is now 10 a.m, I’m guessing I’ve had four or five cups, and going for number six!  In my defense, the cups are small.  :-)

How was your week?  I hope you are well and happy.

My week?  How kind of you to ask.  It has had its usual ups and downs.  I am unfortunately having more downs than ups still, and I’m desperately trying to drag myself out of them and move forward with my life (such as it is), but it is so hard to move forward when the person you have lived with 43 years is no longer with you, but everything in your house and around you is a constant reminder of your loss, the emptiness, loneliness, sadness…but there are so many good memories too.  I still talk about him as if he were coming home any minute and catch myself.  It has only been a little over five months since Mike went home to live with Jesus, but in my world it was only a few moments ago.

I have had several melt-downs this week, both at home and at work.  My boss has been in an especially bad mood and his release is to yell, curse, ask me rhetorical questions in anger and making me feel that he is angry with me.  I can’t handle that right now.  I feel as if everything is my fault anyway, so his rants feel as though they are directed straight at me and that is most upsetting, which causes my epigastric issues to flare up and I come home sick and lethargic.  I have talked to him about it, and his response was “You have worked with me for 21 years.  You know I am not angry with you.  I’m frustrated that I can’t get any work done because of the interruptions and demands, and I have to vent.”  To which I asked if he could please try venting when I am NOT within hearing distance because I’m going to lose it.  It didn’t work.  You see, if someone (anyone) is angry and voicing their anger in my direction, then I can’t help but take the issue to heart and feel responsible for their anger.  I can’t help it.  It is who I am and the way I have always been.  Heart on my sleeve and all that.  The job itself is stressful enough (legal assistant specializing in probate/estate law), so every new estate I have to open is as if I am sucked back into the things I am dealing with on a personal level.  It is hard.  Thursday I just wanted to tell everyone I have had enough.  I’m done.  I don’t want to do this anymore and quit.  I can’t do that!  It is my only source of income!  (Big sigh)

Another cup of coffee?  Don’t mind if I do, although I can feel that the amount I have consumed is starting to bother my stomach. Why do I do this to myself?  I guess because the warmth of the coffee feels good on this blustery, cold autumn day.  There are frost warnings out for tonight.  It is a little early in our fall season for that, but with the way the weather has been messed up the last several years, I suppose nothing is out of the ‘normal’ any more.  Predictions of another polar vortex arriving late autumn and winter weather worse than last year have been made and last year was a bad winter with LOTS of snow.  Since I live a few miles out in the country amongst the open fields, and now alone, I am fearful to go out in sub-zero weather to use the snowblower to plow myself a path to get to the road.  I’m not as young as I used to be, ya know.  The last few years when I have had to use the snowblower, Mike sat in his wheelchair inside the garage all bundled up and watched me, just in case there was an issue.  There was one a few years ago when the machine iced up on me and I overheated trying to get it unstuck and restarted, fell down and could not get myself up.  It was rather frightening.  Mike could not get to me, but he was at least able to talk to me, calm me down and once I regained my bearings, I was able to walk back to the house, extremely hot from the layers of clothing and hyperventilating.  My neighbors have promised me that they would use their farm tractors to keep my driveway cleared, but…I have seen first hand that most of the people who say they will help–don’t.  So, I have to depend on no one and be grateful to anyone who is kind enough to remember the widow lady down the road.

One of my sister-in-laws has insinuated that I am wallowing in my grief.  Am I?  I’m trying hard not to.  I made a Facebook post last week that I was at the cemetery on my lunch hour, because it is quiet there and I needed to visit his grave and simply said how much I miss him.  Her response was abrupt and told me “we all do”.  Really?  She is the same sister-in-law who told me a few weeks ago that his death just doesn’t seem “real” to her because she really wasn’t around Mike that much.  She never came out to visit him when he was sick.  I can count on one hand the number of times she, or any other member of his family except for his parents when we were younger, came to our home.  If contact was made between the siblings, it was Mike who initiated it.  He always said he was the black sheep of the family and had been ignored by them his entire life.  He would get extremely upset when recalling the feeling of not fitting in with his own family.  About the only time we saw them was at the special holidays, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, his parents birthdays.  After his father died his sisters decided that they needed to have more contact with us, and we went out to supper with them one night a week.  That lasted about a year, and usually they were preaching to him on what he should and should not be doing.  They had absolutely no clue how ill he was, he would not tell them and told me not to tell them.  “It’s none of their damned business” he would say.  When I was told that he only had a few days left to live, THEN they decided it was time to be by his side all the time.

I’m really sorry to be such a Debbie-Downer this morning.  It is a rough morning, as you can tell…I’m missing his laugh, his jokes, his constant teasing and pestering me just to see me get irritated…him asking me if he was making me mad and when I’d answer no (because I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of knowing he was) he’d tell me he was going to have to try harder then!

I guess it is time to stop with the coffee and get myself moving and doing something today.  Or maybe a midday nap is in order.  My plan right now is to try to upgrade my computer to Windows 8.1, but I’m so afraid I will lose precious photographs and videos.  Yes, I backed them up, but there is always that one thing that gets lost.  Wish me luck!

Thanks for the coffee, and thanks so much for letting me vent and such with you.  You see, I have nobody I can really talk to.  I have no friends, male or female, that I could have a conversation like this with other than my daughters and oldest granddaughter.  I try to remain strong appearing to them.  I just blew my cover with the oldest granddaughter who is following this blog!  LOL.  Good thing we have a pact–what’s said and read on the blogs, stays on the blogs, as we do not want our family members to know about them!

We’ll chat again real soon!  Hugs!

Since we missed having coffee….

Sorry ’bout that!  Not really, just being polite.

I have completed my photography class and spending time getting to know the kitten that I have adopted as a fur-baby.  Phoebe.  I briefly introduced her in my last post, but at that time she hadn’t really shown her true personality.  I believe she thinks she is a queen, or at the very least a princess, and she carries herself as one as well, kinda with her little nose in the air and tail arched and definitely with an attitude that says “she owns it”!

I’m also sending this to Michelle’s Pet Challenge for my entry this week.

Phoebe

But, she is the sweetest, most lovable little thing.  (And I definitely need something to love on!).  I was playing around with my camera and she was annoyed because I wasn’t paying attention to her, and I was able to snap a few photos.

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Sometimes I think she looks a bit like an owl!  :-)

Abby has gotten along very well with Phoebe and I have caught them chasing each other when they think I’m not looking or paying attention.  Orville, on the other hand, is not so forgiving.  He has made growling noises and hissing sounds every single time he sees her and got especially ticked off when he came inside and ran to his food bowl only to find Phoebe there too.  He was definitely NOT HAPPY with me, or with Phoebe.  BUT…he’s coming around a little more every day.  In fact, last night I woke up to find he was on the pillow next to my head, Abby at my right side and Phoebe on the pillow on the left side of my head.  I was content with the three of them being close to me.

I am really enjoying taking photographs and see things to capture that I never even thought of taking a picture of before.  Weeds are even pretty when captured close up!  (Then of course they will be mowed down as soon as it is time to mow again.)  I’m having fun snapping various things but find that I truly like taking pictures of the sky and cloud formations.

This is a photograph I took the other night and the colors of the setting sun were absolutely beautiful.  Normally, my picture would have turned out blurry and nasty but I think it turned out pretty well.  Well enough that I’ll be brave and share it with you:

Sunset Over Cornfield

I went past the five month mark since Mike’s death.  I miss him so much, but as each day passes I feel his presence with me more and more.  It has to be him who tells me how to do things I have never done, like caulk windows and replace the screen in the front door with the storm window and various other winterizing things that needed (and some still do) to be done.  I hope he is smiling at me and proud of what I am doing.  (Not so much with the kitty tho…I know that for a fact!  HaHa)

Michelle's Pet Challenge

If We Were Having Coffee — Sept. 21, 2014

coffee

IF WE WERE HAVING COFFEE–I think perhaps we might want to put a little Irish Creme in it.  Just sayin’.  And, you would laugh and agree.  Oh, screw the coffee and let’s have a bit of wine!  I think we both deserve it, how about you?

I’d have to confess to you that I have been very, very lethargic and depressed.  No, not the serious depression like I had years ago.  Just down.  There just seems to be so little point to doing anything.  Why bother?  I have NEVER allowed dirty dishes to sit in the kitchen sink.  They have always been put in the dishwasher and put away.  Yesterday I noticed that there was no more room in the sink for another dirty dish and chastised myself for letting myself get THAT lazy.  Seriously!  Then I cried.  Why does doing the dishes even hurt my heart?

I’d tell you that my daughter, K, bought a motorcycle.  She came out to tell me about it because she was having it delivered to my house to store for the winter and I actually didn’t care.  I normally would have not been happy with her decision.  But, much to her shock and surprise, I cried and told her that if that makes her happy and that is what she needs to motivate herself to lose weight (what her reasoning was with me), then go for it.  Life is just too short!  She 39 and she might as well live it while she can.  Yes, I know I can still live my life and do things that make me happy, but when you have been part of a couple for 43 years it is hard to find the things that make just YOU happy.  I feel as though I lost my life when Mike died and now I am just going through the motions, and not doing that very well.

I’d have to smile and tell you that, yes, I have lost weight.  Dropped four sizes in the last five months.  I needed to get rid of that extra poundage anyway, but this was not the way I intended.  There are still a few more pounds that need to come off and if they do, they do.  It doesn’t matter either way, except I feel better not carrying around 30 pounds I didn’t need.  I guess stress will put it on you, and stress will take it off of you, just depends on how the switch in the brain works.  Cooking for one person is pointless.  It’s easier to just fix a sandwich or a microwave meal.  Besides, who has time to cook when you are doing the outside chores, inside chores and working a full-time job?  By the time I get settled down for the evening it is past nine and who wants to eat a meal then?  Shredded wheat has become a staple in my diet.

I’d also tell you that my hip is still bothering me a lot and I’ve called the doctor to tell him I don’t think the injection worked.  He said I should have had relief within three days.  Not so much.  It hurts to sit for any length of time, then it hurts like the dickens to get up and try to walk.  Once I get moving, it is better for a while and then back to pain.  Waiting to hear back from Dr. as to what to do now.

And, I’d have to fill you in on the newest member of my furry family.  Phoebe.  A little 12 week old kitten.  She is the most cuddly and sweetest thing ever!  Abby (dog) doesn’t mind her at all and I thought for sure she would have a problem with her moving in.  Orville, (male cat) on the other hand is NOT HAPPY!  The moment he saw what was in the carrying crate he went nuts and made hissing and growling sounds that were intended to put the fear of God into the kitty, but she just looked at him as if to say “what’s your problem?” and continued her investigation of the house.  She has settled in very well and even enjoys helping my youngest granddaughter do her homework!

 

 

 

Lauren and Phoebe 9.14

Phoebe was a stray that showed up at a relative’s house and they didn’t want her, and were going to take her to the pound and I took her.  I know…what was I thinking?!  Oh, well.  The vet said so long as I didn’t become a cat hoarder I was alright.  HaHa!

My glass of virtual wine is empty, and so I think it best to end this post now.  I hope anyone who has shared this “coffee” time with me has a good day and enjoyed the chat.  Hugs!

 

 

I Feel Like Crap!

LOLcats-animal-humor-1664732-323-400

I haven’t felt very well for a few days. It is a cross between nerves, stress and the pain in my left hip.  I have bursitis in my hips.  In the last few months it has become naggingly worse.  It has finally gotten so bad that I had to call the Dr. (yes, I did…as much as I dislike and don’t trust them at the present time).  I was surprised to be able to be seen the next day!  I was rather impressed at first and then wondered what was wrong with him that he had no patients and plenty of openings?!  My over-active imagination started doing its thing.  I had to tell myself to shut up and quit listening to me!  I knew I had to go see the Dr. because standing, sitting, walking, laying down, etc. were all becoming extremely painful.  I can’t sit still for more than a few minutes at a time.  Damned trochanter bursitis!

Today was the day.  I had to get an x-ray first.  I wonder what the doctors did before x-ray?  Guess?!  Somehow we survived and it seemed like the doctors were smarter and more likely to take the time to LISTEN way back then.  When x-rays were a last resort.

I got the injection.  And it HURT LIKE HELL!!!  I am so thankful that I went to the restroom before I went into the office or I would have gone at the moment he stuck me, then moved the needle to the “proper” place.  HOLY CRAP, Batman!  After I was released from the office, I hobbled to my car and cried.  I realized that I still had to go to work, and there is nobody at home to give me the TLC that the doctor suggested.  I’m it.  Mike would have fixed his “feel better soon” supper for me, consisting of a hash-brown, scrambled eggs, bacon and toast.  He always fixed this for me when I didn’t feel good, God Love Him!  Tonight, I missed that supper, having instead a bowl of shredded wheat.  What is going to happen when I can’t get up to take care of myself?  It just makes me sad and feel so alone…

So far, the injection has just hurt, ached and throbbed.  I was told it would be like this for a day or two and then should be better.  If not better by Monday, call the office.  In the meantime, it has hurt so much that it has caused me to nauseous, have a headache and feel like a woos!

 

I’m done complaining.  I have taken lots of photos lately with the photography class I’m taking once a week, and thought I’d like to share one with y’all….

DLR

 

If We Were Having Coffee (9/6/14)

coffeeI would tell you that it has been a very LONG, short work week (what with Labor Day on Monday and all) and like with every holiday, going back to work is a nightmare.  Family gatherings usually include “call your lawyer” conversations somehow.  It is not unusual to have several members of the same family call in asking the same questions.  But, I’m very grateful just to have a good job now.

I’d also tell you that Mike’s headstone was placed yesterday.  It looks very nice, yet it makes me sad.  It is so final.  One of the last things to be done for him.  It is much better than the little plaque that the funeral home had placed to mark his grave. Now to get some flowers in the vases that sit beside it and make it look prettier and tended to.

I’d have to tell you about the bat that entered my humble abode two nights ago and the scream that came out of my mouth was surprising even to me!  I thought I’d been handling critters rather well until this jet plane went zooming by my head!  It took my weary mind a second or two to register what it was, then panic set in.  I’m talking scared shitless panic!  We have only had one other bat in our house (aside from the old bat who lives here).  At that time we had a dog that made the catch and disposed of the bat for us.  That was 21 years ago and my daughter was pregnant with her first child.  I’ve never seen a pregnant woman run that fast in my life!  Surprised she didn’t have the baby right then, and baby daddy just sat on the couch with his plate of food on his head as if that was going to protect him!  Ha!!   What a sight.  I should not laugh however, because I’m sure that the sight of me dodging the bat through the house was equally as funny looking.  Don’t quite know what I was thinking when I lept from my recliner at the speed of lightning, tossing Abby on the floor when the footstool came down, and shutting myself in the bathroom.  When I finally realized that there is nobody in the house to help me and I didn’t really want to spend the rest of my days in the bathroom, I cracked open the door and made a break for the outside.  Now there I stand in the porch area between the house and garage and Mr. Bat is flying around inside my house and I’m almost positive he was letting his feces drop at will.  EWWW!!  After several deep breaths I decided my only weapon against Mr. Bat would be the broom.  Wrong answer.  My aim sucks and he would fly toward it and as I’d swing, he’d sense it and dart off in another direction.  With no other option available to me at the time that I could think of, I decided to call my neighbor, John, down.  He has always said he would help me whenever he could, so I needed help!  Mind you, it is 10:00 at night.  Then, I realize that my cell phone is in the house…all the way in the living room.  SHIT!!! (That’s why the bathroom was the first hiding place)

Stealthily, I dodged Mr. Bat again and was able to retrieve the phone, then dodged him again as I made my way back outside.  First call to John got the answering machine.  (Oh, God, please don’t let this be happening to me now!)  Second call was to his cell phone and he answered!  By that time I was a total panic-stricken, scared female.  It seemed like an eternity before he arrived, but I’m sure it was probably no more than 5 minutes.  He calmly entered the house, armed only with an old bed sheet I had laying over some things in the garage, and Mr. Bat was tired of flying.  We couldn’t find him!  John was beginning to think that I had gone plain “batty” by then, and finally…he spotted him.  Hanging in the den/office area off the dining room.  A few moments later, Mr. Bat was snuggly in the sheet and John was thinking he would show him to me.  Nope!  Just kill him!!  He didn’t.  He let him go outside to fly away and I swear if he finds his way back inside my house, since he obviously knows how to break in, I will personally see to it he does not do it a third time.  I think I might invest in a cheap tennis racquet, although knowing me I’d never be able to hit it.  Not because I’m a softie in that area, but simply because my athletic ability is –1,000.  Yeah.  I suck at eye-hand coordination.

Needless to say, I did not sleep well that night.

I’d have to tell you that the garage door for the side I park in was fixed by my brother after 3 long hours of hot, sweaty work and lots of swear words.  He got the new opener up and operational, but didn’t bother to put up the new controllers that went with it, telling me that I didn’t need them.  The old ones would work just fine.  WRONG!!  The next morning, I was once again stuck in the garage, but this time I found the remote that came with the door, pushed the button and the door opened, as if by magic.  That’s because there is a safety feature on the new opener that doesn’t allow the door to be operated by any old remote controller.  That evening, I wired the permanent remote in place and patted myself on the back.

I’d also have to tell you that, that same night as I was closing up and locking up the house, the opener on the other side of the garage quit.  As I pushed the button, the opener released the door and as it moved along the tracks, it suddenly made an awful noise and the door slid down the rails and banged on to the cement floor–loudly.  I touched the remote again and all I got was a grinding noise.  Now, this is just dandy!!  I knew I couldn’t quite afford another garage door opener at this point, and not wanting to ask anyone for help again, I called the garage door repair guy.  His ad says “free estimates”, so I’d give it a shot.  He met me at the house, diagnosed the problem as being the gears, told me it would be under $100.00 and did I want him to fix it.  Heck yes!!  An hour later, or less, he was on his merry way.  I should have done that with the first opener and maybe saved myself some money.  But, live and learn, right?

I would also have to tell you at this point that I have drunk way too much coffee now, and it is time to “go”.

What about you?  What would you tell me, if We Were Having Coffee?

Be sure to check out Gene’O ‘s coffee post as well!  :-)

 

 

The Next Sound You Hear—

will be me, screaming as loudly as I can out of sheer frustration, anger, disappointment and sadness.

tantrums

I have spent the entire morning, waiting on the person who promised me that they were going to help me replace the electric opener on my garage door.  Actually, I’ve been waiting since last Saturday when the darn thing quit working trapping me inside.  Finally, after getting myself all agitated and upset, I decided to call the person.  I had put off calling him sooner because I didn’t want to appear an impatient person and “bug” him.  I realize he has family of his own to take care of, and I really don’t want to be a burden.  So, I finally convinced myself that it was time to chat with him and see what his plans were.  He is now just too busy to do it.  Sorry….

Hurt? Oh, yeah.  I am quite hurt.  If he didn’t want to help with the door, he should not have volunteered to.  See what “we’re family” gets ya?  It will be a cold day in hell before I ask again.

I should have stayed with my original theory about widowhood.  Everyone tells you that if you need ANYTHING, JUST ASK!!, all the while saying a silent prayer that you don’t ever ask.

You can bet your ass I will NEVER AGAIN ask another person for help of any kind, unless it is of my children and grandchildren — and only then if I am desperate –.  I’ll pay someone to do the work instead.

O.K.  I think I’m done ranting and raving for now.  Mike’s motto always was, “I ain’t asking nobody for nothing”, now I totally get it.

AND— why is everything falling apart around here all of a sudden?!  Garage door quits, lights in kitchen and dining room quit working at the same time.  On different circuits, so that wasn’t the problem.  The ballast on BOTH lights went out a day apart.  The dining room had been working periodically, so it was really no surprise when it just petered out, but the kitchen one?  No amount of switch jiggling or cursing or praying or smacking the side of the lamp itself would make it work.  I called an electrician.  Lord only knows what that bill is going to be!

Then, this morning Abby had an appointment at the vet for her kidney function tests and PH levels to see if she was forming more stones.  Despite faithfully feeding her the special diet dog food (which is quite expensive), her PH has risen and she has a “crystals” in her urine, meaning she is at risk again for stones.

AND–my mother is quite upset with me over the tattoo.  She cried out “Oh, my God! What have you done to yourself?  Why did you do something like that?” and hung her head in her hands and started rocking back and forth.  For real?!  She then refused to look at me after that and proceeded to tell my sister, who was also visiting, that she just thinks women with tattoos are just plain ugly and disgusting to look at.  I’m like, I am still in the room…. talk about a spirit booster.  Wow!

Guess I wasn’t done ranting, was I?  It has just been a really suckie week and I just can’t take much more right now.  (BIG SIGH)

 

My Tattoo for Mike

I did it.

If you were to discuss this with my mother, she would tell you how vulgar and distasteful what I’ve done is.  That she’s ashamed and just can’t believe I did this–again!  (The first being two small ribbons on my right wrist for breast cancer and lupus, combined as a heart.)  If you’d like to see it, please go here

What did I do?  (Shame on you for not reading this blog regularly–then you’d already have a good idea!)

I got a tattoo in memory and as a tribute to Mike!  I love it!  I think he would have liked it also and been proud that I “branded” myself for him.  (Branded is a term my mother would use) Having it makes me feel close to him all the time!

Mike was a guitar player, or in his words “just a-pickin’ and a-grinnin”.  He played in a band for years, lead guitar.  All self-taught.  Couldn’t read a note, but he could make a guitar sing.  It didn’t matter if it was country music, bluegrass, religious, rock & roll…he could hear it and play it.  He taught a few young men how to improve their skills also and was always happy to play for company. Even after he amputated his left index finger on his fretting hand, he was lost without being able to play as well as he had before.  In fact, he quit playing for a few years because of the injuries to his hand.  Then, he started playing the lap-steel guitar, also known as a slide guitar, and the Dobro.  He wasn’t able to hold the metal slide bar with his left hand because his index finger was only a stub, so he designed his own bar slide with metal clips that fit around his middle finger to hold the slide.  He was pretty ingenious in that regard.

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The guitar is a likeness of the guitar that he kept by his recliner and which he would pick up and play usually during commercials, or if he just wanted to annoy me!  Yet another one of his favorite pass-time interests.

I think it turned out really well.  This picture was taken by the tattoo artist immediately after he completed his work, so it is rather red and swollen and my leg isn’t happy either.  :)  When it heals I will take another photo.

Yes, it hurt.  A few times it was pretty bad and a few times I wondered why in the world I was having this done.  But, I’m so glad that I did.  I just feel good about it.

And, feeling good right now is a new feeling I haven’t had in a long, long time!

 

 

 

If We Were Having Coffee…

coffee

First, I’d greet you all with a warm hug and pour you a big cup of java (or drink of your preference for those who don’t drink coffee) and we would sit around the kitchen table.  I would ask you all how you are doing and what’s going on in your life this past week.  And I would listen intently to what you have to say, empathize with you, laugh with you and probably pop off a few of my witty remarks to lighten the subject if I need to.

How am I, you ask?  Oh, I guess I’m ok.  I have some pretty hard days to deal with and this being alone thing really SUCKS, but it is what it is and I just have to learn how to move forward instead of being stuck on the day Mike passed away.  Sometimes it is easier to do than others.  Today may get rough, being the 4 month anniversary of his death, but so far I’m doing okay.

What did I do all week?  Boy, you guys just don’t give up with the questions!

I worked of course.  I had to call an electrician to come out and replace some light fixtures that were waaayyy to complicated for me to figure out.  Fluorescent wiring…who knew it was like a tangled mass of colored wires and doo dads all over the place?!  I have this funny little quirk where, when I turn on a light switch, I want the light to come on NOW, not flicker, not play hard to get and make me flip the switch a thousand times and it still doesn’t come on.  To actually come on so I can see what I am doing.  And, now that I have light in the two rooms that were in the dark–do I have some cleaning to do again!  Watch out for those giant dust bunnies!

I signed up for a digital photography class.  It meets once a week for two hours, for six weeks.  I left the class so confused I wasn’t even sure I could figure out how to turn my camera on again!  And, my little digital, while not a cheapo, pales in comparison to the others in the class.  But…I’m just in it to learn a bit about how to take better pictures and get out of the house and take baby-steps to rebuild my crumbled life.  Unfortunately, I haven’t done any of my “homework”.  Oops!!

And, last night my youngest granddaughter, L, spent the night with me.  First time ever and she is 5!!  She has always been a mommy’s girl and any attempts to get her to stay with us always met with tears and screaming.  She stayed happily last night, choosing to sleep on the sofa rather than in my bed.  At about 4 this morning, however, I was awakened by arms going around my neck (which startled me at first–not used to that!) and a little voice that told me she loved me.  Awwww…. <3 what a little sweetie pie.  I have a feeling there will be more overnight stays.

Lauren

You have to go?  So soon?  Oh, yes, I know…it is a Saturday and there are things to be done, right?  Yes…me too, I have a list of things to accomplish today.  One of which includes getting a tattoo… :D

Have a great day, everyone!  So glad you stopped by.  Hope to see you all again real soon!

(Waving)

coffee photo credit:  inonit.in

 

Lazy or Not?

Lazy Dog

I admit it.  I have gotten extremely lazy when it comes to doing much of anything, preferring to stay in my jammies, with a cup of coffee and reclining.  I’m worn out.  Emotionally, physically and mentally.

Trying to come up with a post takes so much effort that I give up.  I don’t have anything substantial to write.  I really have no thoughts of anything except just surviving.

I force myself to go to work.  Getting up is not the problem.  Getting dressed and going into the office is.  I am having a horrible time concentrating on anything!  I have had lapses of memory and even more frequently I find myself staring into space with no thoughts and abruptly get sucked back into reality.  Usually by my boss asking me if I am alright.  What do I say to him?  I don’t know whether to tell him the truth…I don’t know if I’m ok…or smile and tell him I was thinking about the work sitting in front of me.  I think he knows that I’m not thinking about the work.  One day this week I got to work and had a major case of anxiety.  I feared I had forgotten to turn the coffee pot off.  Of course, I asked the boss if I could please run home to check it because it would worry me all day if I didn’t.  He told me to go, and when I got home and looked at the pot, it was off.  DUH!  It has a two-hour time on it to shut itself off after being on two hours.  Why did I forget that?  It annoys me to no end on the weekend when I want my coffee to stay hot a while longer.

A few days later, I remember having to come back into the house to get my car keys.  But I don’t remember leaving for work or parking the car, or going inside until I was sitting at my desk and realized I was at my desk.  How did I get there?  Obviously I drove, but its kind of scary that it had been so automatic that I don’t remember it.

What’s wrong with me?  Is this just another case of the mind not being able to absorb any more stress that it just turns off?

Your thoughts on this would be appreciated because I am not quite sure what to think about it…if I CAN think.